Happy regardless.

One month behind me, I have a feeling of euphoria – and it’s not because I was kissed square on the mouth by a complete stranger. No lie. Well, I don’t suppose he was a complete stranger. I had taken care of him for two days. In the bargaining process for discharge, had I known that was what his hand held, I would’ve made my play from the other side of the room.

Apart from that, it was an interesting last week of my first month. This month, I was voluntold* to be a hospitalist. This was in addition to my expected duties of family medicine previously planned – outpatient, inpatient, obstetrics.

For you that don’t know the difference between a hospitalist and a doctor that visits the hospital, let me paint you a picture. The doctor that continues to do hospital work sees their patients in the hospital. Simply put, you’re sick; your doctor takes care of you. (A dying breed as mentioned previously.) The doctor has medical records, has rapport with the patient, and has the important history-medical and social.

This is drastically different than the hospitalist doctor. The hospitalist meets the patient for the first time at his or her worst. The patient is frustrated that they do not have “their doctor”. The hospitalist is frustrated with the limited amount of information available (or is not frustrated-and that’s even worse). I’m not sure how that is the hospitalist’s fault-however they take the brunt of the punishment.

And it is punishment.20578-happiness

I have grown so over the last week. TS Eliot said, “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” I have had quite a few moments possibly going too far. The line between what was residency and what is becoming practice is quickly blurring-along with so many other lines.

Starting a practice has not been everything I had dreamed, but it also has not been the nightmare I feared. I have had a lot of help. I did miss the first day of first grade. I did drown a bit on rounds. But, I’m euphoric simply because I did survive. 264 months left.

*Deputy Adam

voluntold (v.): past-tense of voluntell; volunteered for something you didn’t want to do and have had no choice in.


2 Responses to "Happy regardless."

  • TS Eliot was undoubtedly right.
    Some lines, however, are meant to be crossed. The finish line of residency was a breeze, but walking into the first month (and especially the last week) was the threshold of what you’ve worked so very hard for!
    Having had the best seat in the house for a ringside view of the line between resident and attending, it is with great pride I congratulate you on a job superbly done. That was a tough, TOUGH week to end the first month, going from tears over a c section to triumph over a sick hospital service!
    The old adage of a ship in harbor being safe comes to mind; your waterline was exactly where it should be, level, steady, moving forward. While certainly not the shipbuilder, I am so proud to see you launch knowing that maybe I helped point the way out of the harbor.

    1 Ed said this (September 1, 2014 at 1:00 pm) Reply

  • Today is an emotional day for me.I saw my daughter born, and was told she was perfect. I saw her grow and flourish and tolerate our family dog chewing up her Barbies. I saw her with hands full of gauze and bandaids carefully and lovingly bandage and try to help those dolls to heal. Funny how your children become such a vital part of your heart.
    She had another doll, it crawled along the floor battery powered. Of course batteries don’t last forever, and MY doll watched me take those batteries out and change them numerous times. Returning from work one evening,I found my daughter crouched in the floor with her blanket,she felt so bad. I asked,”What’s wrong baby?” To which she gave a diagnosis of her own condition,”No batteries daddy,no more batteries,”
    Today I sit and reflect on my little girl. It’s her BIRTHDAY! We never know how long we have in this life,especially having advanced heart disease.In my reflection I see her born, and reborn many times over through out the mile markers of her life. I was so blessed to be here for ALL of it.
    Today, I can honestly say, I am honored to know her,thrilled to be able to love her, and reaffirm that she is and has always been a healer. She is after all a large part of the only perfect working part of my heart.
    I would never want to be without MY Doctor. Yes in my heart she is still as perfect as the day she was born.
    Happy Birthday!! I love you always.
    (If this embarrasses you a little, get over it. It’s part of MY job.)

    2 Dad said this (September 5, 2014 at 12:34 pm) Reply

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